Hint Fiction

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The Tale Of Two Roberts

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Like any narcissistic blogger in the 21st century, I have Google Alerts set up for "robert swartwood" and "hint fiction." Oftentimes, these two alerts go hand in hand, though, interestingly enough, in the past few months my name has become less and less associated with Hint Fiction to the point where HF is now becoming its own thing. Sometimes, though, when one of those alerts for "hint fiction" pops up, it will also mention me or, I should say, my evil twin brother Robert Smartwood. I'm anal about my name, just like many people are anal about their names (don't believe me, ask Roxanne Gay). All too often my last name will be misspelled. But shit happens. Still, I wondered what I would find if I Googled "robert smartwood." Unsurprisingly, a good bit came up, the highlights of which I'd like to share. Back on October 29, 2009, the Book Smugglers reviewed the horror anthology Fifty-Two Stitches edited by Aaron Polson. Here's a bit of what the reviewer had to say:

Reading each “stitch” in this book, I came to a (in retrospect, a pretty “duh” moment) realization – writing flash fiction is HARD. I’ve read and reviewed my share of horror anthologies and first novels, and many authors tend to make the same mistakes: wasted, powerless adjectives, descriptions that are lengthy and try too hard at gruesome, for example. But in the flash fiction of Fifty-Two Stitches, there’s simply no space to make these mistakes. Each sentence, each word has to be selected for maximum effectiveness – and the result is all the better for it. As in all anthologies, Fifty-Two Stitches has some duds and unevenness, but there are also some memorable, truly awesome stories within as well. Some of these gems include “New Woman” by Doug Murano (in which a man used to taking charge on dates gets more than he can handle), “In the Garden” and “Mother’s Love” by L.R. Bonehill (both eerie, haunting stories about mothers dealing with loss), “Sitting Up With Grandpa” by Blu Gilliand (where a young boy sits vigil with his recently deceased Grandpa), and “Dead Weight” by Robert Smartwood (a story that gives a whole new meaning to coyotes and border crossing).

Back on April 19, 2010, Dark Sky Magazine did a "Recommended Readings From Online Magazines" and was kind enough to excerpt a paragraph from my story "The Cigarette Tree":

– That summer he went to stay with his grandmother. She smoked constantly. He hated the way she smelled and sounded when she talked, and he knew smoking would kill her, so one day he stole his grandmother’s carton of cigarettes she kept up on top of the refrigerator—he had to balance himself on a chair to do this—and then he took the carton out to the garden in the backyard. He dug a hole, threw the carton inside, filled the hole back in, and patted it down like nothing was out of place. — Robert Smartwood in Staccato Fiction

And there are a few others, mostly people mentioning one of several Hint Fiction contests and then mentioning my evil twin brother Robert Smartwood too, but the real doozy and major fail of them all is Borders.com who, despite frequent requests from my publisher, still has my name misspelled. Which explains why I never listed Borders as a possible place to pre-order the anthology. Hell, I don't even have it listed as one of the sites to pre-order from on the Hint Fiction page. And honestly? Borders isn't even giving you a discount if you order from the site (not even 1% off), so do everyone involved a favor and just don't order from them! Instead, order here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or even here. But just not here.

Look What Arrived Today!

What could possibly be inside?

Could it be that Mogwai I ordered?

Or could it be a Mattel hoverboard?

Oh, it's the Hint Fiction anthology! And hot damn, it does look good.

In fact, it even smells good.

But the real question is: does it taste good?

The answer is most definitely yes!

But how does it read? Let's see what Franklin thinks.

He seems to dig the cover ...

And this page isn't bad ...

So far so good ...

Having a little snack of lettuce makes reading more enjoyable, sure ...

Last page, huh? So what did you think?

Seriously? You don't have anything nice to say?

Everyone's a critic.

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Publishers Weekly Presents The Who's Who Of Self-Publishing

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So apparently Publishers Weekly -- who I used to have quite a bit of respect for -- has decided to "embrace the self-publishing phenomenon" and create a "quarterly supplement announcing self-published titles and reviewing those we believe are most deserving of a critical assessment." But wait -- there's more!

This whole shebang costs you only $149! (You could buy a new Kindle for less than that.) Of course, some of the e-books submitted will be reviewed. It's not like you're paying to have your stuff reviewed. PW would never lower themselves to that, would they?

We briefly considered charging for reviews, but in the end preferred to maintain our right to review what we deemed worthy. The processing fee that guarantees a listing and the chance to be reviewed accomplishes what we want: to inform the trade of what is happening in self-publishing and to present a PW selection of what has the most merit.

Ah, yes, well it's good to see that they haven't decided to sell out completely. After all, they are professional. Then again, this entire "supplement" is nothing more than a way to make self-published authors pay for ad space. And you know what that eerie voice in Kevin Costner's corn field says: "If you build it, they will come." (Yes, yes, the actual quote is "he will come," but you get the idea.)

And, sadly, I guarantee self-published authors will come in droves with their wallets open.

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In other news, I've added a new widget to the sidebar of upcoming appearances for the Hint Fiction anthology's release. The Vroman's and McNally Jackson events I've mentioned already, but there will also be an event at the Big Blue Marble Bookstore in Philadelphia on Friday, November 19. I have also been asked to speak at the Morgantown Poets gathering on Thursday, December 16; this is in Morgantown, West Virgina for anyone close by. And there will most likely be something around my area on Monday, November 1st, but nothing has been decided yet. Once I get a full list of anthology contributors attending each event, I'll make an official announcement.

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The Los Angeles Review's fiction editor Stefanie Freele asked me to do a blog post for their website. I wrote a little something called "Our Best Work" and you can read it here.

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You're probably wondering why I'm blogging when I said I wouldn't be for awhile. Well, that Publishers Weekly thing really ticked me off for starters. Work on the Y.A. book is coming along nicely, and I'm on the downswing, really getting momentum, so it would make sense that I would have to put off writing for a few days. This Wednesday I'll be headed to Las Vegas; my brother-in-law is getting married so my wife and I will be there for a few days to attend, and I'm not about to take my laptop along with the intention of continuing to work on the book. I mean, I could take my laptop, but we all know I wouldn't get any writing done.

So ... yeah, that's about it. Hope everyone's doing well. I must now go rewatch The Hangover in anticipation for this week. I wonder if they have some kind of bus tour dedicated to the movie. It wouldn't surprise me if they did.