In The Valley Of Lost Literary Journals

Last Friday my wife and I went up to New York City for the day. We visited the Norton offices, had lunch with my editor, and then met up with a friend of ours at the Museum of Modern Art which was hosting the Tim Burton exhibit. Then later we wandered down to Union Square, where we breezed through a couple bookstores. One of those was the big Barnes & Noble overlooking Union Square. It's a nice, four-level bookstore that has pretty much everything you've come to expect from Barnes & Noble, just more of it. They had an excessive magazine section, so of course I went looking for the literary journals.

"Wow," I said to my wife, "they have a pretty big selection here."

"Yeah," she said, "but who besides other writers actually reads them?"

And that's the question, isn't it? Literary journals are created and published to celebrate the short story (and poem), but all they really succeed in doing is creating just another outlet for writers to submit their work. These writers most likely don't buy or subscribe or even read said journal. Even if they have a work accepted and receive a contributor's copy, how many read every story or poem in the magazine? Granted, there are some writers who religiously subscribe and read journals, and God bless each and every one of them. But the majority (and I'll be the first to admit I may be way off in my estimation) simply see those journals as just another place to submit their stuff.

I'm sure I've spouted the same thing here before, but it's worth mentioning again. Yes, writers are readers too, but they make up a small percentage of the regular every day reader. Or do they? The people that go out every other month to buy James Patterson's latest potboiler probably aren't the same readers who also pick up the most recent copy of Tin House or Granta or The Paris Review or any of the magazines you see listed in that picture.

Publisher Hildy Silverman recently announced that Space and Time Magazine is almost up to 100 subscribers. I don't know about anyone else, but I find this very surprising, if not unsettling. A magazine as old and well-established as S&T, I would have thought they already had a solid subscription base up in the high hundreds, if not close to a thousand.

Perception is the key, I guess. We writers like submitting to the pretty literary journals hoping to get published in them thinking that when we do a lot of people will read our stories and poems. But with so much out there, so many different literary journals to choose from, how does one find the time to read every story and poem?

When I think of questions like this, I'm reminded of Stephen King's introduction to the Best American Short Stories he edited in 2007 (the one with William Gay's kick ass story "Where Will You Go When Your Skin Cannot Contain You?"). He talks about going into a major chain bookstore and transversing his way back to the magazines, and once he's there he needs to find the tiny section where they hide the literary journals.

So think of me crawling on the floor of this big chain store and ask yourself, What’s wrong with this picture?

We could argue all day about the reasons for fiction’s out-migration from the eye-level shelves — people have. We could marvel over the fact that Britney Spears is available at every checkout, while an American talent like William Gay or Randy DeVita or Eileen Pollack or Aryn Kyle (all of whom were among my final picks) labors in relative obscurity. We could, but let’s not. It’s almost beside the point, and besides — it hurts.

Instead, let us consider what the bottom shelf does to writers who still care, sometimes passionately, about the short story. What happens when he or she realizes that his or her audience is shrinking almost daily? Well, if the writer is worth his or her salt, he or she continues on nevertheless, because it’s what God or genetics (possibly they are the same) has decreed, or out of sheer stubbornness, or maybe because it’s such a kick to spin tales. Possibly a combination. And all that’s good.

What’s not so good is that writers write for whatever audience is left. In too many cases, that audience happens to consist of other writers and would-be writers who are reading the various literary magazines (and The New Yorker, of course, the holy grail of the young fiction writer) not to be entertained but to get an idea of what sells there. And this kind of reading isn’t real reading, the kind where you just can’t wait to find out what happens next (think “Youth,” by Joseph Conrad, or “Big Blonde,” by Dorothy Parker). It’s more like copping-a-feel reading. There’s something yucky about it.

Yes, Mr. King, there is something yucky about it. Something yucky indeed.

Reminder Redux: Money STILL Flows To The Writer

A note to aspiring editors and/or publishers: just because you happen to publish professional writers, it doesn’t automatically make you a professional publication. Let me repeat that.

Just because you happen to publish professional writers, it doesn’t automatically make you a professional publication.

If that doesn’t make sense to you, and you are an editor and/or publisher, save yourself and everybody else time and just close up shop now and go away. We don’t need you wasting our time.

Now because of this post, everyone thinks I hate Narrative Magazine. That’s far from the truth. If anything, I’m in awe of Narrative Magazine. I mean, for a publication to so gratuitously rip off writers and still get grants from the National Endowment of the Arts is just … impressive. What’s even better, there are people stupid enough to actually want to work for them—for free!

Think about it: Narrative charges writers $20 to submit their stories. Narrative hires interns who will then in turn read those stories without being compensated whatsoever. (It's like the invention of some new pyramid scheme.)

Sure, some will argue, the fact they worked for Narrative will look great on their CVs.

To which I say: Gag me.

Honestly, I try not to think about Narrative. They are off in their own little world. There are writers who will defend them tooth and nail, and why? Because those writers think they have a chance to actually have a story accepted by them one day. And who knows, maybe they will. And you know what? Good for them. Let them spend as much money as they want submitting; I’m surprised Narrative hasn’t yet set up one of those frequent submitter programs: submit ten stories at $20 each, submit one story then for free.

But whatever.

A few weeks back it was brought to my attention that Narrative put out a call for interns. Here is what they posted:

Narrative is currently seeking internship candidates to assist with production of the magazine, including editorial and technical tasks, public outreach, and other programs.

PURPOSE: Narrative is a premier online literary magazine with the mission of transitioning great literature into the digital age and uniting readers and writers around the world and across generations. In its seventh year, Narrative operates under an original model, combining the values and standards of a nonprofit institution with the ethos and sensibility of a start-up: a fast pace, a tireless staff, and ceaseless determination to stretch every dollar to its fullest in support of the mission.

INTERNSHIP QUALIFICATIONS: You have a passion for literature, strive for excellence in everything you do, thrive in a fast-paced and dynamic workplace, and are eager to envision, collaborate on, and execute ideas and tasks. You are a high-energy, low-maintenance, well-rounded person with the ability to ensure that projects, people, paperwork, schedules, and other responsibilities are timely, exceptional, and on target. For this position, we need someone who is friendly, professional, reliable, diplomatic, extremely organized, a good conversationalist, a solid writer, computer savvy, and conversant with traditional publishing, social media, electronic publishing, iPhone applications, public relations, and marketing.

Narrative is located in San Francisco and needs local interns but, as a Internet-based, digital publication, also works with interns in various locations.

How to Apply: Please send your CV and a letter indicating what you can bring to Narrative: interns-at-narrativemagazine-dot-com

Now, understand I really don't have that much free time. But this ... this was an opportunity way too good to pass up. Only I couldn't apply as myself. Not that I worried about my previous post about the magazine, but because I personally have no desire whatsoever to be associated with them. And if I were to send a serious resume and then be rejected? Why, I'd be utterly crushed. (Plus, I couldn't live with the fact I would have become a complete douche.)

So I did what any self-respecting jokester would do: I lit up the Spam Signal and called forth the one and only Holden McGroin. I even set Holden up with his own Gmail account, which took only a few minutes, and then we were off and running.

Note: the e-mails below are completely true. Nothing has been changed or modified. For some reason, Holden decided to sign all his e-mails HG and not HM, which would have made more sense. Please forgive him. He is a shy and timid individual.

from            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> to            interns@narrativemagazine.com date            Thu, Mar 11, 2010 at 9:19 PM subject            Question mailed-by            gmail.com

Hello,

My name is Holden and I am humongous fan of Narrative. Every story you publish is amazing! I would very much like to apply to be an intern but am afraid the listing I saw was incomplete. What is the application fee and to what address should I send it? Thanks so much.

HG

***

from            Narrative Staff <staff2@narrativemagazine.com> to            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> date            Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 1:56 PM subject            Re: Question

Hello Holden,

Thanks for your message. All internship applications may be forwarded to the following email account:

interns@narrativemagazine.com

We look forward to receiving your application.

Best,

The Editors

***

from            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> to            Narrative Staff <staff2@narrativemagazine.com> date            Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 3:48 PM subject            Re: Question mailed-by            gmail.com

Great! But I'm afraid I'm still confused. How much is the application fee?

Thanks,

HG

***

from            Narrative Staff <staff2@narrativemagazine.com> to            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> date            Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 4:45 PM subject            Re: Question

Hello again Holden,

There is no fee to submit your application for our open internship position. Simply attach your cover letter and CV in an email to the aforementioned email address and our editors will be in contact with you shortly. Thanks again for your interest!

Best,

The Editors

***

from            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> to            interns@narrativemagazine.com date            Sat, Mar 13, 2010 at 5:28 PM subject            Intern Application mailed-by            gmail.com

Dear The Editors:

My name is Holden and I am a humongous fan of Narrative. I love everything about your publication. I especially think your new iStory is great. It's like flash fiction but on the iPhone and you put an i before the Story. Brilliant. Unfortunately, I don't have an iPhone, so I can't enjoy the iStories. Are you planning on doing the same on Blackberry phones? Maybe they could be called BlackStory, though of course it would be nothing racial.

I would very much like to apply to be an intern. I have been writing for thirty-seven years. Alas, I have not published anything, but I have been a finalist seventeen times in the Glimmer Train Short Story Award for New Writers.

I have a passion for literature. I strive for excellence in everything I do. I thrive in a fast-paced and dynamic workplace. I am eagar to envision, collaborate on, and execute ideas and tasks (please see below). I am a high-energy, low-maintenance, well-rounded person with the ability to ensure that projects, people, paperwork, schedules, and other responsibilities are timely, exceptional, and on target. I am friendly and professional and reliable and diplomatic. I am extremely organized. I am a good conversationalist. I am a solid writer. I am computer savvy. I am conversant with traditional publishing, social media, electronic publishing, public relations, and marketing. Obviously, I don't know much about iPhone applications, but I'm willing to learn.

Basically, I like to read and I like to come up with ways to make money. I know you already run some great contests, but I have a lot of ideas for more contests. Here's just a taste:

Narrative's Penultimate Paragraph Contest, where writers submit their second-to-last paragraph of any given work in progress for a chance to win a big cash prize. $20 entry fee.

Like I said, I have a lot of ideas for more contests. I hope to hear from you soon.

HG

***

from            Narrative Staff <staff2@narrativemagazine.com> to            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> date            Sat, Mar 13, 2010 at 8:02 PM subject            Re: Intern Application

Hello Holden,

Greetings from Narrative Magazine! We are thrilled to see that you are interested in our open internship position! The purpose of this message is simply that we wanted to send a quick note confirming that we did indeed receive your email and will be reviewing your application materials within the next couple of days. The response to our call for applicants was much larger than we ha’d originally anticipated, so our response may take a bit longer than we had hoped. Rest assured, you will hear from us once we have a chance to sit down and really review your work.

Please do not hesitate to contact us directly if you have any questions, either now or in the future. We would be more than happy to help in any way we can! Otherwise, we want to thank you again for your interest in interning for Narrative Magazine and hope you have a great week!

Best,

The Editors

***

from            Narrative Staff <staff2@narrativemagazine.com> to            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> date            Tue, Mar 16, 2010 at 12:19 PM subject            Re: Intern Application

Hello again Holden,

In beginning the formal review process on this end, we noticed that you did not attach a resume to your application email. When you have a moment, would you mind forwarding a resume listing your work/academic experience our way? Of course, a resume is not the end-all be-all of our consideration process, but it certainly helps our team get a better idea of the skills and abilities you would be able to bring to the table here at Narrative Magazine.

Thanks in advance, Holden, and have a wonderful week.

Best,

The Editors

***

from            Holden McGroin <hmholdenmcgroin@gmail.com> to            Narrative Staff <staff2@narrativemagazine.com> date            Tue, Mar 16, 2010 at 1:56 PM subject            Re: Intern Application mailed-by            gmail.com

Dear The Editors,

I am very sorry about that. I was not aware I had already started something. What would you like me to resume?

HG

As you can see, that last e-mail was sent almost a week ago. And weirdly enough, there has been no response. Oh well. Holden's too good for them anyway. Guess he'll have to take his Penultimate Paragraph Contest elsewhere. Maybe Glimmer Train is looking for interns?

Yes, yes, yes, at the very start of this post I talked more or less about professionalism. Is what I did professional? Hmm. I guess the real question should be: Do I really give a shit? Until Narrative stops charging writers to submit regular submissions, they will never have my respect. Yeah, I'm sure they don't care about earning my respect anyway. But you know what? There are others who don't respect them either. A whole bunch. And one of these days, hopefully that will become apparent and more and more people will see Narrative for what it truly is.

Until then, Holden McGroin out.

Who's Line Is It Anyhow?

Joe Biden amuses me. Whenever I see him on TV, I feel like I'm watching an SNL skit. The clip I originally wanted to show this week was his most recent faux pas, where he asks for God's blessing to a woman who isn't even dead, but when I went to look it up, I found more. So much more. I decided to limit it to four, though you better believe I could have added more. My favorite, I think, is the one where Biden tells the senator confined to a wheelchair to stand up. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Be sure to tune back in Monday for a very special blog post. Basically, if you enjoyed this previous post, you're gonna love what I did this time.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOaQeGFYysA

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XberX_t-WvI

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2mzbuRgnI4

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sM19YOqs7hU

What Writers Are Owed

Are we as writers entitled to anything? This is a question I've been thinking about lately.

Like: you write and write and attend a top MFA program and graduate and then what? Are you owed a job? Are you owed your thesis (novel or collection or whatever) being published? Are you owed a career in full-time writing and/or teaching?

Or: you write and write and submit and submit and keep getting rejected, always rejected. You write and submit for five years, ten years, twenty years. No acceptances. Is that fair? You put all that time in, are you owed publication?

What comes to mind first and foremost is journal and publisher response times -- are we as writers even owed responses?

There is no rule book, the last time I checked. No guide that says a submission must be responded to within X amount of days, and that it should always be personal and not form.

Like everyone else, I troll Duotrope's What's New page looking at the different response times. The 300-plus day responses almost always provide a good chuckle. I've even somewhat berated a magazine here for having at least one response time be up in the 900-day mark. Quite recently, someone reported a 1,000-plus day acceptance.

Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous.

Or is it?

Again, what are the rules? There are no rules. Sure, each magazine provides its own guidelines, telling writers what to expect, but they are all mostly generic, just wordage stolen from another magazine's guidelines, stolen from another magazine's guidelines, and so on.

Say you apply to twenty jobs. How many of those jobs will even respond to you telling you the position has been filled or that they received your application but are not interested? Some will, but not all. And what does that mean? Are they not worth your time? Are they not professional?

There are some journals that specifically state they do not respond to submissions. They only respond if they're interested. Personally, I find this a turn-off. I would very much like to hear some kind of answer. But realistically, so what if I don't? Obviously the story I submitted wasn't to their liking. Do I really need (deserve) a form rejection?

Sometimes it seems we as writers have very high expectations, not just for ourselves but for the publications to which we submit.

Such as the first time I started querying agents years back. I'd queried this one pretty big agent who never responded. A lot of agents never responded. Just the way of things. But I wasn't very happy about it. Thought it rather unprofessional. Was talking to writer friend who mentioned that particular pretty big agent and I said how I'd queried him and never heard anything back and how it was pretty unprofessional and blah blah blah.

So I ended up signing with a different agent, the novel didn't sell, the next novel didn't sell, I decided to part ways with this agent, leaving me agentless. I write another novel, start querying agents again, decide what the hell and query that pretty big agent who never responded to my first query years before. That pretty big agent e-mails me right back, asking for the full manuscript, and then two weeks later calls and offers me representation. And I'm happy to say I'm still represented by him.

The moral of the story? There are no rules. We as writers are not entitled to anything. To some common and professional courtesy, yes, but still, does that mean we shouldn't expect 400-plus day form rejections? Does that mean we shouldn't expect to query agents and not hear a single thing from them, not even a simple no?

Of course not. Because we're writers. This is what we do. We write, we submit, and we wait ... and wait ... and wait.

And through it all, we keep writing.

The Express Lane Is Now Open

David Erlewine is a madman. I say that with the utmost respect. The man works a full-time government job, has a family, and is active all over the Internet at different writing sites. Not only that, he's constantly producing work. Don't believe me? Sign onto Facebook in the middle of the night, you're apt to see him online. I swear, the man never sleeps.

In case you didn't know, Dave is also the flash fiction editor at jmww. Their most recent issue (which just happened to launch today) is a special flash issue edited solely by Dave. It's stocked full of some really great writers. You've got Matt Bell, Erin Fitzgerald, Roxane Gay, Scott Garson, Ben Loory, and a slew of other names you no doubt recognize. Dave was thoughtful enough to want to represent hint fiction in the mix, so you'll also find my story "10 Items or Less." It is, as usual, a rather dark tiny piece.