Author Beware

My friend Nick Kaufmann just did a blog post (or LiveJournal post, which is like a blog wannabe, right?) about some shady shit happening in the publishing world. Here's some of the post:

I was recently contacted by the former book review editor of the Rocky Mountain News about working for the new review website she started, where I would review self-published horror, science fiction, and fantasy novels. It sounded like something that could be a bit of an endurance test--how long would I be able to stand each poorly written military science fiction adventure about the best pilot in the fleet who's also a hit with the ladies before contemplating my own death?--but I'd done similar work before as genre judge of the Writers Digest Self-Published Book Contest, and the promised $100-per-book payment was more than a little tempting.

Then I started to wonder how they could afford to pay me $100 a book, seeing as how even Publishers Weekly with its thousands of subscribers can't pay that. Fearing the worst, I checked their website and, sure enough, they charge authors for reviews. A lot. Here's the reply I sent back. Maybe I should have waited until I cooled down a bit, but I was aghast.

Dear [redacted],

Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on your offer. I cannot get behind, nor associate myself with, any review source that charges authors for reviews. According to your website, you charge a belief-defying $395-$495 per book, as well as a $19.95 handling charge for books sent to you as a PDF instead of hardcopy. Frankly, I find this appalling. Not only does it automatically draw the truthfulness and impartiality of the review into question, it is, in my opinion, just another way of fleecing authors who have already been wildly fleeced by vanity presses.

Again, I thank you for thinking of me, but not only would I not want to be a part of a pay-to-play service like this, it is exactly the kind of thing I have been consistently warning other writers against for years now.

Sincerely, Nick Kaufmann

Kudos to Nick for having strong principles. Some reviewers might feel inclined to take the fast money. Then again, I do have to wonder where the rest of the $395-$495 goes if the reviewer (who is doing pretty much the bulk of the work, no?) only gets $100 per review. Oh, and let us not forget about the $19.95 handling charge for PDF!

But this outfit is professional, right? Well, they certainly think so:

Professional reviews are a critical cog in the book business. While not infallible, they offer informed, reasoned assessments that put the book into the greater context of literature. They are not replaceable with this sort of sophomoric review. They do, however, provide a nice complement and reality check to crowd sourced reviews.

At BlueInk Review, we use professional reviewers who know their genres and offer opinions that are more than thinly supported snap judgments. I am proud of our roster and would never use reviewers who weren’t committed to reading the entire book.

If you're an author looking to get your book reviewed, there are, like, a gazillion websites and blogs dedicated to reviewing books. Seriously, The Dishonored Dead has been reviewed four times on blogs, The Serial Killer's Wife two times so far. I didn't pay a cent, just contacted those website asking if they would be interested in seeing my book. In fact, a few other places even requested to see the books after they were mentioned elsewhere. So just contact them. The worst they can say is no.

Actually, I take that back.

The worst they can say is, "How much is it worth to you?"

Microstyle Writing Contest

Last year the Gotham Writers' Workshop held a Hint Fiction Contest in conjunction with the anthology's release. This year they're having a Microstyle Contest in conjunction with the release of Christopher Johnson's new book (which I reviewed here). Here are the details:

Inspired by the July publication of Microstyle: The Art of Writing Little, Gotham is pleased to present a Microstyle Writing Contest. We are honored to welcome the book's author, Chris Johnson, as the finalist judge.

THE SET-UP This is the age of the Incredible Shrinking Message. Tweets, status updates, text messages, email subject lines, blog post titles, and other miniature messages are tools we all need to grab a bit of people's precious attention. Everyone is a copywriter now.

Expressive economy is the key to this new world of miniature messages. And there's no better way to maximize the expressive potential of a short message than to get two interpretations for the price of one. Wits, lyricists, and sloganeers have always been keen to seize upon a felicitous ambiguity:

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? -Groucho Marx (later used by songwriter David Bellamy)

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. -Dorothy Parker Labour isn't working. - Saatchi and Saatchi for the Conservative Party in Britain

THE CHALLENGE Your job is to use double meaning to create your own memorable quip, using twenty words at the most. It might, like the quote from Dorothy Parker, highlight an accidental and unexpected second interpretation of a word or phrase, or it might, taken as a whole, express two distinct and equally apt meanings, like the quotes from Groucho Marx and Saatchi and Saatchi. (For writing tips, read Johnson's "Use Ambiguity for Good, Not Evil.")

THE PRIZE The author of the winning entry will receive bragging rights and:

• 10-week Gotham Writing Workshop
• $50 Barnes & Noble Gift Card
• One-year Subscription to The Writer (12 issues)
• Microstyle: The Art of Writing Little

In addition, the winner and four finalists will each receive a copy of Microstyle: The Art of Writing Little.

Enter here.

The Serial Killer's Wife Giveaway

So that's what was in the mail today, ten copies of The Serial Killer's Wife (which is now available) and the proof copy of The Calling (which is not yet available).

It's cool to have the actual physical book, I guess, though it doesn't really mean much. After all, the reason self-published writers never made much money in the past is because there is no distribution. Bookstores don't normally carry self-published books. And self-published books printed by CreateSpace? Don't even think about it. So it's very unlikely any of these self-published books will ever appear in bookstores. The only way they can be sold is a) via Amazon or b) via me hand-selling them at some conference or convention, which can become a very big pain in the ass and could, most likely, not even be worth my time.

So why even bother?

Well, because readers prefer the choice between electronic and print, that's why. And because it's not really a big deal when it's all said and done -- the print on demand aspect makes it so I don't have to rent out a warehouse or at least clear out a space in my house for extra books. If someone wants to buy the book, they can order the book and CreateSpace prints a copy and ships it. Simple as that.

I am going to try something, though, which may be successful but will most likely fail, which is to offer the option to order a copy directly through me so I can personally inscribe and sign the book. The cost would be retail (for TSKW that's $13.95) plus an extra dollar for shipping in the US, for anywhere outside the US ... email me.

So if you live in the US and are interested in a inscribed signed copy of The Serial Killer's Wife, you can PayPal me at robert (at) robertswartwood (dot) com with $14.95 and I'll ship one out. If you're outside the US, email me first to see how much more shipping will be (probably only an extra buck or two).

Or, if you're in the US, you could always sign up for five free copies that I'm giving away at Goodreads.

The Tooth Fairy, Animated

Dustin Grella is one talented dude. He does this amazing kind of animation, as seen by his acclaimed piece Prayers for Peace. He also does this thing called Animation Hotline, where people can call in and talk about whatever and he'll animate it. Of course, he can't animate everything he gets, as he gets a lot of calls, but he tries his best. And he contacted me not too long ago saying he would be interested in doing some animations from the stories in the Hint Fiction anthology and would I be interested? Um, hell yes I was interested! So I emailed all the contributors telling them about this opportunity and a good number called in and read their stories and over the next two weeks Dustin is going to animate some of them. But to start with, he animated my very short story "The Tooth Fairy," which was published at Everyday Weirdness back in 2009. Enjoy, and hey, feel free to give Dustin a call.

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/27320160[/vimeo]

Matt Damon Is Awesome

Out of all the movies he's starred in and all the charities he's donated to and all the organizations he helps, Matt Damon is probably best known for his performance in Team America.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWTzyU5MFgM

But this past Saturday he was down in Washington, D.C. speaking on behalf of teachers everywhere. He was the only celebrity who appeared at the rally. Of course, it helps that his mom who is a teacher no doubt helped organize the rally, but still, he flew from a movie shoot in Canada to New York and then from New York to Washington just to give his time. And you know what? He said a lot of great stuff.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7Jh3Z52KV0

I've never been a fan of standardized testing, which (to me at least) relies on the notion that all students are basically the same. Which, of course, they are not. Each student is different and learns at a different pace and has different interests and motivations and so to try to test them all equally is just asinine. When I started my student teaching back in 2004, I was very against state standards. But my cooperating teacher at the time had come up with a way to simplify the standards to use them to our advantage. He too had been very against the idea of being restricted to teaching to a series of standards until he realized that those standards were just a guideline, and that as long as you stuck with that guideline, you were okay. Like teaching parody? As it was a Senior Media Lit class, we watched an episode of The Simpsons and then had the students respond to the different types of satire that occurred. Story setting and characterization and flashbacks and other story devices? We watched a few episodes of Lost (this was during the first season of the show when many people didn't even know what it was yet). Anyway, it goes on and on. Thinking outside the box was what got me through student teaching and which helped the students become more engaged. The standards didn't become a limitation so much as a chance to do something different. Of course, I still think they're asinine, but that's okay, because Matt Damon is awesome.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFHJkvEwyhk