The Worst Board Game Ever

So there's this board game called Quelf, whose name unfortunately sounds very similar to a certain type of flatulence, and I'm going to make the bold statement right here and now that it is probably one of the worst board games ever. Why?

Well because, no thanks to Hulu Plus, I have been subjected several times to this commercial:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6VXmdVFJvE[/youtube]

Now, as you can see from the commercial, Quelf appears to be the craziest and most super fun game every created. Like, super super super crazy fun. Like, so friggin fun it makes you want to tear your eyes out. I mean, honestly, even if a group of people are drunk (notice how there are no beer bottles strewn around the room, or even random drugs), how can they possibly have that level of excitement for a stupid board game? And not only that, did you notice the people standing in the background, apparently so entranced and amused by the Quelf players? Seriously, who goes to a party and just stands around and watches other people have the time of their life playing a board game? Or is this apparently a thing now? Do people really go crazy over board games? If that's the case, please oh please never invite me over to your party. I might just end up tearing my eyes out. Then again, that's probably more appealing then playing Quelf.

And The Nano Winners Are ...

From Ben White at Nanoism:

This year we converted $50 in prize money into $400 of charitable donations to wonderful organizations working from animal health to global health, clean water to fighting hunger. Thanks to everyone who donated! Without further ado, here are Robert Swartwood’s selections for this year:

  1. Johnna Talbot
  2. Pat Tompkins
  3. Sarah Stanton

Honorable mention: Jackie Bateman

Winners will be published beginning this week, starting with our honorable mention and running through Monday the 23rd, when our big (but equally small) winner will go live. Thank you everyone for your generosity.

 *    *    *

Thanks too to everyone who entered the Stripped giveaway contest. I failed to announce a winner on Saturday because I ended up taking a road trip with Brian Keene to Wilkes-Barre to see Nick Mamatas, who had been more or less stranded there due to weather. You can read about some of the trip here and here.

So now, without further ado, the randomly selected winner of the Stripped anthology is ...

RichardPF

Congrats, Richard! Email me your mailing address to robert (at) robertswartwood (dot) com when you get a chance, and I'll ship out a copy of Stripped sometime after the launch party February 4th.

Yes, Man Of Wax Is Disturbing

So I mentioned before how free e-books welcomed one-star reviews, right? Well, Man of Wax just got its first:

I was excited to begin this book as it sounded like it would be different sort of mystery. I prefer mysteries and do not need to tell you that many are very similar. With that said, I read about 15 percent and stopped abruptly when I came to a disturbingly gruesome part. I could not remove this book from my kindle fast enough!

I have to be honest -- I sort of love this review. Yes, Man of Wax is not for all readers. It's disturbing on many levels. In fact, right now it's probably my darkest book. However, the one-star review doesn't play well with Amazon's algorithm, so if you've read Man of Wax and enjoyed it, please considering reviewing it. And if you haven't picked it up yet, I advise you to do so quickly. Like, really quickly.

So E-Far, So E-Good

The free promotion for Man of Wax and Phantom Energy started just this morning, and already Man of Wax has gotten here:

Yes, that's right -- it's in the top 100. After No Shelter had managed to sneak into the top 100 last week, I doubted Man of Wax would be able to replicate the same success. In fact it's done even better. Why? Who knows. There really isn't any rhyme or reason for why a free book is downloaded more than another free book, as far as I can tell, and the only promotion I did was here on this website and links posted on Twitter and Facebook.

As of right now, Man of Wax has been downloaded over 14,000 times since this morning. Phantom Energy? About 150.

Anyway, the inevitable response will be something along the lines of Yeah, that's great and all, but why in the blue blazes are you giving away your stuff for free anyhow?

I was actually asked this question just the other day, and my answer then was the same as it is now: Why not?

If you believe that every free download is a missed sale, you have a lot to learn about the publishing business -- or practically any business. Companies -- such as, you know, publishers -- give away products all the time. Free is always the best form of promotion (which isn't the same as pirating, but that's a whole other discussion for another time ... though I will say that, while I think pirating is wrong, I don't lose sleep over the fact that several of my e-books are currently available on torrent websites).

Of course not every person who downloads the book is actually going to read it, but for the few seconds it took them to download it, they at least saw the cover and title and my name. And who knows, maybe they will read it at some point. Yet out of the 14,000 downloads so far for Man of Wax, how many readers will actually try the book? I'd be happy with even a tenth of that number, but I think that's being too generous. Then again, maybe not. After all, the whole point here is to be read, plus -- wink, wink -- the second book in the trilogy is slated to be released this April ...

The downside of free promotion, however, is that not everyone is going to like whatever it is that's free. This seems to be especially the case with free e-books. In my experience, many one-star reviews are the result of free e-books. It seems readers who don't care for a book they didn't pay anything for find it their duty to tell the world. And you know what? That's okay. No writer's work is ever universally loved.

But you know the massive upside of free promotion, especially at Amazon? The more free downloads, the more your book gets recommended, both during the free promotion ... and even after.

Last year No Shelter sold around 300 copies. That's 300 copies for the entire year of 2011.

After last week's free promotion, No Shelter sold nearly 300 copies in just one day.

Let me repeat that -- No Shelter sold nearly 300 copies in just one day.

So think about that.

And while you're thinking about it, download Man of Wax and Phantom Energy if you haven't done so already. Did I mention they're FREE?